It’s been a while since I post “Addiction pt.1”. Since then I’ve been struggling to keep up with my roller-coaster of emotions. I’ve failed plenty of times, both in the past and in the present. But this time it’s a different kind of failure. This time, I admit that my behavior is an addiction and I’m aware when I’m going through or craving my addictions. Lastly, I’m committed to getting rid of my addiction once and for all.
Several ways I’ve been trying to deal with my addiction:
- Telling myself to not think about it – Fail (big time!)
- Distracting myself with entertainments (youtube/movie/etc.) – Fail
- Distracting myself with work – Worked, but drained energy and eventually Fail
- Consequences for action/behavior – So far it worked, still undergoing trial
- Do the act of addiction = give 1M to charity/cause you hate
- Cling onto bad thoughts (anger, fear/cowardice, incompetence) for more than 5 minutes = buy a stranger a cup of coffee
It’s been a week since I tried the new strategy. So far, I owe 2 strangers a cup of coffee and 1M to an opposing charity. My take on this new strategy is that you have to really commit to it, for it to work. I realize that I have less desire to do the act/behavior when I remember of the consequences. The closest description I can give is: “It feels like when you’re about to kiss a guy and you realized that you don’t actually like the guy. It doesn’t feel right and you just automatically back away.”
Other than stronger resistance towards my addiction, this new plan also gave me insight regarding my strength and weakness. I realized that it wasn’t so hard to control both my body and mind, when I’ve decided to stop being angry or upset. It was easier to let go of those undesirable feelings when: 1) there’s a goal to not feel that way (and a consequence to boot), 2) awareness that the bad feelings doesn’t benefit you, 3) the issue/people/feelings doesn’t matter as much as you thought (hence no reason to cling/feel too strongly about it).
My weakest time so far is when I’m physically unfit, a.k.a. I came down with a cold. Although, to be more accurate – when I’m feel like failing myself / my goals. Long story short, one of my goal this year was to be healthy for 365 days. The reason behind it was because I was sick almost every month last year. I was doing so well up to this month. I have cared for my health more than ever, I’ve exercise more than ever, and I’ve recovered from many of my almost-sick days this year. But, what can I say… I finally got sick after 239 days. Well, to be fair… those 239 days was an accomplishment on its own.
So, how do I go about it? 2 things:
- Take a break properly. Admitting that I am sick was the hardest, as I don’t like failing myself / not upholding my goal. But I got sick and that’s the truth. I decide to pick a book, play a calm music, make ginger tea, and get plenty of rest. No wondering on internet or watch TV aimlessly or trying to force myself to finish work (they can wait).
- Be productive regardless. I can’t do the heavy / physical workload, but I can still be productive by doing small chuck of work (such as writing this post). It’s easy to feel useless or helpless when you are sick. But you don’t have to. Wikihow really helps me this time.
QUOTE OF THE DAY